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Submitted on
January 30, 2013


27 (who?)

When God speaks...

Journal Entry: Wed Jan 30, 2013, 5:53 PM

A few days ago this week, I had the strangest urge to go to the Sundial bridge. The Sundial bridge in Redding, a few minutes away from my home.

I had no reason to go, except this random gut feeling. So I went...and as I was there, something told me to go into the gardens they have there, having never gone there before. But I didn't end up going, and so I went home and I was bummed that nothing significant had happened.

Over the past few days I have been exceptionally depressed about my husband, and the thought of him. Lately God has told me to give up Shipping and forget about cute romance drawings and things of that nature; because I am convinced he wants me to live in reality instead of fantasy. :') Which, praise the Lord for that! but at the same time, I have been struggling and have felt very lonely and doubtful. I have cried for the past several days, struggling with, "Should I even think about romance? Is this selfish? I should be focused more on God instead of my husband who will not even come close to loving me as much as Christ can.." But I have been so harsh and legalistic towards myself...So I was constantly in a battle...

Today, I woke up this morning, and I took a shower. And lately, God has been speaking to me through the imagery of Water. I took a shower and was doing my shower prayers XD and I got out...I usually listen to air1 on my iphone while getting dressed but this morning I had forgotten it in my room, and something tells me "Go get your phone. And Just watch-the song that will be playing is the new song "Hold me Now" by RED." And so I'm thinking, "Yeah RIGHHHHTTT."

But sure enough, and praise Jesus, The song was indeed HOLD ME NOW!!! ;_; and right when I listened to it, the verse said, "I'll return to the place where the water covers over everything." AND as if that coincidence wasn't enough, The verse of the day on my air1 app said,

"But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life." -John 4:14

;_; Already the day started off amazingly.

And for some reason, I looked at my shirt I had picked out for the day, and I read the bible verse on it, something I almost never do. The shirt says, "Jesus heals broken hearts." The bible verse is psalms 147:3, "He heals the broken hearted, and binds up their wounds."

I read it, memorized it, and got ready for school. As school started, Jill, the pastor's wife, announced to us we were going to do something different today.

she was going to read PSALMS 147-148 and we were going to the SUNDIAL BRIDGE to the GARDENS to sit with the Lord and learn how God can speak to us even through Nature.

Already my mind was BLOWN. Little coincidences after another after another kept adding up as a smile made its way across my face. ♥

We get to the bridge and into the gardens, an area I had never gone into before, and I really felt the Lord was guiding my steps to sit in a certain spot. I walked past many mini fountains too that were beautiful, but then I saw it. A Huge fountain sculpture with lovely ponds and running water around it.

And there was a fountain there in the middle, that reminded me of what happened earlier this morning and how God used a christian song to realize that without his living water in my life, I am not living the life He intends for me! It was just such an awesome time with God.

God wanted me to go to the big fountain instead of the little fountains because he wants to pour out much blessing in my life. ♥ Thank you, Lord!

As if this wasn't enough, He lead me to go out walking further, and as I walked, I saw a lovely couple-a pregnant woman and her man, caressing her bulging baby bump, and kissing her softly on the bench in the sunlight in the midst of beautful flowers. ;_;

I felt such pain come into my heart and I began to cry. "Lord, is this wrong for me to want that?! I know that I want to have you first in my life..and I know I should be content with how I am now...but I just keep wanting and wanting as if you're not good enough..."

As I walked and cried, I entered a type of construction-ish area full of barren trees and stagnant pools of water.

It feels like, symbolically, this is where I am at in life. I am in a season of growth and things look dim for now, but God will lead me into greener gardens one day. ♥

As I cried from seeing the couple, I questioned God, "Why did you show this to me?!" and I felt like God said, "Because it is in your future."

I weeped even more, and I walked further down this dusty path alone and by the barren trees and stagnant pools. I then said to myself, "I guess I think it's selfish to want a husband and a romantic life...But God I don't think that that's true." And right then, two  mallard ducks-a female and a male, swam out in front of me in a pool to my right.

It was significant because They were together-a male and a female. And I heard the Lord say, "You desire something so natural-I created all the animals and birds in the earth to have a partner." And I wept even harder...because God was blowing my mind! ;A; <3

I felt a bit childish, but I asked God for one more sign that this all was from him. Months ago, when I moved up here to Redding in September, I had a dream of a baby deer walking up to me, and I heard a voice say, "this is God's way of showing you he cares about you." Later on that same day, I had been on a walk and I remembered the dream, and just then a deer ran across my path. ♥ So me and deers have this symbolic meaning attributed to God's caring stare and hand in my life.

I walked up a hill and thought about the symbol of a deer, and just as I took a step, I uttered the words, "NO WAY." And to my amazement, there was a deer print. In the mud. under my foot.

;_; Jesus....My Jesus. He is my comforter, my guidance and my hope. He gives me peace that things are going to be alright..and that he cares about the little things. ♥

From hearing my favorite song, He showed me a biblical truth he wants me to learn. God used even my SHIRT to match with the scripture reading in CLASS today, and He lead me to a fountain to further that truth about him being living water. Then he showed me the couple, which then led to the two ducks, and then finally, the deer print in the mud. ;_;

Our God is a good God and he constantly speaks to us through many mediums. Through songs, through shirts, through his word, through other people, and through nature. ♥ I encourage you today to be intentional about seeking God and noticing that EVERYTHING can be a symbol to his great love, even in a barren stagnant land and even in dry seasons and times of trial and testing. Our God is good and forever faithful Amen Amen!!!

-alex- 1/30/13

  • Mood: Wow!
  • Listening to: Hold me Now by RED
  • Reading: My Bible :)
  • Watching: nothing
  • Playing: nothing
  • Eating: dinner soon!
  • Drinking: water
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Anjelica101 Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Student Digital Artist
This was truly inspiring.

It reminded me of how God can be subtle with His messages when he wants to lead you into a place that's best for you. I've been going through some trails and tribulations myself the last few months and the enemy's been trying to convince me that I cant't make it. Been trying to convince me that all of what I'm living for in life is just complete rubbish and that I should basically forget where all these great miracles in life have come from. It's been a struggle, but after reading this, I had some flashbacks of things like, for instance, when my family and I were in even worse situations and we made it through that. I've even had unimaginable dreams that I had when I was a silly little seven year old come true years later in life, and I know that it was without the shout of a doubt by God's grace that they only came true.

Thank you dear. In reading this you help me realize a little more that it might not always be what we want when we want it, but that if we have faith and a good ear for Him, that He'll favor us when the time comes.

I prey you may lead a happy future too dear ~u~
Take care~
tekitomadachi Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:wow: I am very happy for you Shock!!! :glomp: It's so amazing on how God takes care of us in more ways than one... He's helping my family and the person close to me fight cancer (who will be going through radiation soon but she is done with chemo, THANK YOU JESUS!! :w00t: ) and I know that when the time is right he will provide for me my beloved sooner or later. :D Thank you for sharing this on DA; it has really helped!! :hug:
Feedingfrenzy91 Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013
That's Wonderful God can use the simplist of things to reach out to us and even though they may seem insignificant by themselves when put together they turn into something amazing. Don't feel lonely God is with you and he will lead you where He wants you to go (as He already has).

P.S. how's your sister
shock777 Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
her surgery was postponed til feb 11...-_- so we are all kinda upset about it
Feedingfrenzy91 Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013
I'm still praying for her
Shikamaru9419 Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hey Alex, I wanted to thank you for sharing this with us. I am going through something similar in my own walk with God. I pray that you will continue to be able to hear God speaking to you in these moments. Thanks again for bringing this into my life today.

- Jacob
shock777 Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're welcome! :)
DarkChocaholic Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2013
I just don't know how that could happen... I am actually kind of confused. I have asked God for signs and he shows me nothing.
shock777 Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Seek and you will find, knock and the door will be answered to you. Keep seeking. ever had a random coincidence happen? That could be God. He speaks in many ways, the point is-are you looking?
DarkChocaholic Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013
I don't know at this point. I mean I still go to church and stuff but I am not feeling it anymore.
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