I am a Christian.

I am who I am. I cannot change that. I have been dealing with so much pain, depression, and doubt this whole year. this has been the worst year of my life. The only thing holding me together is God without a doubt. this makes people not like me...this makes people leave me. this makes people judge me, make fun of me. friends come, they go...but I cannot deny my true identity. I am a child of god. I am beautiful. i have purpose. I am not useless!!

this year..my family has fallen apart. my mom and dad are getting a divorce. my suicidal sister turned to drugs and alcohol. the other sister has developed an extreme phobia. my house was robbed, My sister needs an operation...my stepdad has called me useless and fat. my sisters are against me. I have seen demons in the house we live in, one called anger the other fear. I experienced heartbreak and high school drama. I have been through so much....there is even more than that...

The only thing...after all this...that I know at the end of the day. I am clinging to god more so than ever..and it takes a lot of courage for me to post this and to declare who i am..but I am who I am. ...

It has been 15 years of emotional abuse and still...the only strength i can muster is that from God. I am proud to say that too! This year is so hard...I have lost so many friends..my family is so messed up..and I haven't done anything special with my life...but I know...that God has me...in his arms. Always. even though i may doubt, fail to go to church, cuss, be perverse...he is with me...and That truly is Mercy ;A;..

I love you lord...so much...don't ever leave my side...ever...