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For those struggling with money, please read this and take Courage to believe for something more!!! :
Few people understand what has been going on in my personal life lately. I am in a transitional stage again, wondering if I will ever find a job and be able to truly live on my own. I am THIS close to moving away because of this. I also have signed up for college and I need a way to pay off my books and for my classes! If I don't get a job soon, I might have to drop out and I've been in this position since this month started.
A lot of the time I've spent worrying and crying...But I've also been Praying.
I don't believe in coincidences. I believe in a caring, loving God and I know for a fact he has me where he wants me. This is a short testimony. I am writing it for those struggling now with their finances, but also to my future-self when I doubt and worry.
God revealed to me back in November that I need to be going to college to get to work on a bachelor's degree. I took a leap of faith and signed up for new classes for Spring 2015, not knowing if I would be able to afford anything or get a job.
For the last two nights, I was crying to myself as I often do when anxiety attacks rush over me. I was caught up in the fact that my financial aid hasn't gone through yet and that I don't have a job and that I felt all alone and incapable of handling my own money. I am still a child learning how to be an adult, and it feels like the only person helping me is God himself. But even He felt distant lately.
I went to my bible. I don't normally read it, but I knew I needed to. I had been attacked spiritually recently by demonic spirits so I felt desperate, you know. I went to Matthew 6 and I really focused on this story:
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" -Matthew 6: 25-27
and also here:
" ...Your Heavenly Father knows that you need these things. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." -Matthew 6:33
I looked up and cried to my ceiling.
"God...If you know I need these things I don't know why they are failing to come to me...I don't want to think about money the way the world does....But I need it to survive. God...You have not called us just to merely survive on the bare minimum. You have come that we may have Abundant life and life to the full! We are meant to THRIVE!
I don't ask to be rich or famous. I just want to live and be taken care of. God I know you are good, will you please teach me about this? Please speak to me. I want to know what you have to say about MY situation. MY money that you will provide. Just because I don't see how doesn't mean you won't provide, but...I'm struggling. So Father I ask that you would tell me tonight in a dream or maybe the next day about what I am to do in this time. I want to have money to pay for college which I believe you want me to do...I want to be able to pay rent and to eat well. But I know it's not outrageous to ask for blessing and even more so that I may follow passions and help others!"
After I was done praying, I went to bed that night and nothing special or miraculous happened. Still feeling a bit stressed that next day, I went to the mailbox and got the mail for my roommates. Suddenly I noticed an envelope for me-From my first job that I had in June of Last year.
"What is this?! I don't work for them anymore. It's been at least 6 months since I've worked there. Why did I suddenly get this in the mail? I don't understand?"
When I got home and I opened the envelope, it turned out it was a CHECK for a lot of money!!! Was it a missed check or something to do with taxes? I didn't know for sure. All I knew was when I opened it, it was like God opened my eyes and showed me that I would have the money to pay for my text books this semester. I was so thrilled!
But I was still depressed. My job situation wasn't really panning out and this crippling depression over how I felt about money wasn't going away. I felt so sick. So I kept asking, "Lord...Speak to me. My ears are wide open. I will not shut my ears to you. I know there is more hope for you to give me."
I went to bed last night and again, nothing happened. But this morning I managed to get myself up and get ready for church. Out of curiosity, I checked this little box I keep savings in. I knew there was money there, but I never really counted it before. As I counted it, it seemed that the money was ENDLESS. My eyes grew big. I had NO IDEA how much money was there!! Immediately I knew it was enough to buy a ticket to Japan (as I had researched it a month ago)!!! I immediately had fear crawl back into me...
"No, this is emergency money. Who says you can use this money for things you actually WANT? You're going to come across a flat tire or you're not going to be able to pay rent one month or you can't pay your car insurance! This is emergency money! You wish you could use this for leisure-HOW SELFISH OF YOU!!! You will be POOR!"
I knew these thoughts were lies from the enemy...
"God! I know you better than that! I may not believe it is true, but I WANT TO BELIEVE IT! Your word says that you KNOW what I need, but you also take joy in what I take joy in! You want us to thrive, not to just live off of scraps. God I don't want to be greedy...but I only want to do what is right. When the time comes I am sure I will know what to do with this money..."
But the depression lingered. I checked my paypal account for how much money was in there from doing commissions. there was quite a lot. Again, I thought, "Emergency Money."
I was determined to get that worldly, evil thinking out of my head. I headed to church and Worshipped God and spent time with my friend Bethany. As church was going on, I was praying, "God. I know I got that check in the mail. And I know I have this money from commissions and savings. But I am STILL waiting for you to actually TALK TO ME. I want to hear from you God, I want to be strengthened by YOU today. My ears are open...Please speak in a way where I can hear you."
After church was let out, I decided to hang out with Bethany. We went to subway together, and as we got there, literally not even 5 MINUTES after I get out of church, a ring on the phone.
"Hey, is this Alexandra?"
"uhh..Yes this is her!"
"How would you like to come in for a job interview on Wednesday?"
Immediately I felt God. I felt this disbelief come upon me..Or rather, it was AWE. If God was talking to me, I clearly heard it. As I ended the phone call and wrote down the date of the interview, my friend just looked at me and said,
"You just got a job, didn't you?"
And it was then that I laughed hysterically. I don't believe in Coincidences. I believe in a God that is GOOD. A GOD that CARES. A GOD THAT KNOWS WHAT WE NEED AND KNOWS WHEN WE NEED IT. We will never be poor in him. We may not be rich in worldly means, but we are INFINITELY WEALTHY IN HIM.
I don't know if I have the job yet or not. Of course I have some worries still, but I have a newfound peace that only God can give. God is my rock. He is my protector. He is my PROVIDER. Even if I don't get the job, the message is clear: I will be taken care of.
Don't despair! There is HOPE in the DARK! No matter what your finances say, it's just a NUMBER! God knows what you need and he knows your fears. Trust in God and put your heart in Heavenly things. Our God is big, and Guess what-you weren't meant to just live on the scraps. You were meant to sit at the table!!!! I pray that God pours out his blessings on you, wherever you are, and onto your family. Freely you will receive, so freely you will give! God loves it when he has empty cups to fill so that we may pour those cups out on others around us-Which Allows God to always be pouring into us an overflow of blessing!
God bless ! I hope my Testimony helps you, as well as Myself later on in life. -Alex-xoxoxoxo 1/11/15
Hello! My name is Alex! Thank you for coming to my page! I sincerely hope you take a look around-not just at my fanart, but also some of my original stuff! It's good, trust me XD I have graduated Ministry school and I am in waiting for my husband-to-be I take classes at Shasta Junior College and I am taking Japanese lessons. I ship Naruhina and BBrae most of all, but I love to draw original stories and create my own characters the most! I'm excited to serve the most High God, and use my art in a way that is pleasing to him. I'm far from perfect, but I keep on going! Thank you for checking out my gallery! I certainly hope you stick around! |
**THIS IS MY SECOND ACCOUNT!!!**
Current Residence: California
Favourite genre of music: dance,techno,rock,christian
Favourite style of art: fanart and doujinshis!!!
MP3 player of choice: Windows media player
Wallpaper of choice: surreal backgrounds, fantasy, kawaii things, etc.
Favourite cartoon character: Hinata Hyuga, Rock Lee, Naruto Uzumaki, Beastboy, Raven, Starfire, Grim, Billy, Spongebob, Marik Ishtar, Bakura Ryou, etc.
Personal Quote: God doesn't cause pain and suffering, but he has a cause in pain and suffering.